“We Have No Demands… But You Must Do Nikah in a Grand Wedding Hall”:

 

A Hidden Cultural Oppression Muslims Must Address

In the journey toward marriage, many Muslim families hear a phrase that seems innocent on the surface but carries immense pressure beneath it:

“We have no demands but (Shaadi Acchi Honi Chahiye) Just make sure the wedding is done properly in a particular wedding hall, with good arrangements.”

While this may appear like a reasonable request, in reality, it’s a socially coded demand that often goes against the Sunnah of simplicity in marriage. It places emotional, financial, and spiritual burdens on the bride’s family — turning a sacred union into a social performance.

This blog dives deep into why such expectations are harmful, un-Islamic, and must be addressed openly in our communities.

Islam Emphasizes Simplicity in Marriage

One of the most beloved teachings of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ is that marriage should be easy, not difficult.

“The most blessed marriage is the one with the least expenses.” (Ibn Hibban)

The Nikah (marriage contract) in Islam is a spiritual commitment, not a social showcase. The Prophet ﷺ married off his daughters with the utmost humility. Fatima (RA) was married to Ali (RA) in a small, simple ceremony with few items and a humble meal — not in a grand banquet hall.

The Contradiction of “No Demands… But a Grand Wedding Hall”

Let’s break it down:

When the boy’s family says, “We have no dowry demands, but please do the Nikah in a grand wedding hall”, they are:

• Disguising a demand in soft language
• Forcing the girl’s family to match societal expectations
• Imposing financial and emotional pressure to appear “generous”
• Practicing social blackmail in the name of “respect”
• This is a double standard. On one hand, they claim simplicity. On the other, they insist on a lavish, image-driven wedding — which defeats the purpose of the Sunnah.

The Financial Burden on the Girl’s Family

In many cultures, especially in India and South Asia, the girl’s family is expected to:

• Book an expensive wedding hall (₹2–5 lakhs)
• Arrange multi-course meals for hundreds
• Provide décor, clothing, return gifts, and more
• Often borrow money or go into debt just to “keep up”
• This is not Islam. This is cultural oppression disguised as tradition.
• Islam never commands a girl’s family to host or fund the wedding feast.
• It’s a cultural norm, not a religious obligation.
• When a family insists on a wedding hall, even indirectly, they contribute to delayed marriages, broken proposals, and poverty — all of which the Prophet ﷺ strongly discouraged.

Riya (Showing Off) — A Spiritual Disease

Spending extravagantly to impress others is a form of Riya (showing off). The Prophet ﷺ warned:

• “The thing I fear most for my Ummah is minor shirk — Riya.” (Ahmad)
• Riya is not just a spiritual flaw; it’s a marriage destroyer. It leads to:
• Marriages based on pride, not piety
• In-laws expecting more show later
• A couple beginning their life in debt or stress
• When families value what people will say over what Allah has commanded, they lose the Barakah of the marriage.

The Hidden Classism in Lavish Wedding Demands

Insisting on grand venues, fancy décor, or extravagant meals is often a way to assert social status.

It sends a harmful message:

• “If you can’t afford a  wedding hall, your daughter isn’t good enough.”
• This is un-Islamic classism. The Qur’an reminds us that honour comes from Taqwa (piety), not wealth.
• “Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you.” (Qur’an 49:13)
• No one has the right to judge a family’s worth based on their ability to host a lavish wedding.

Emotional Blackmail in Disguise

Saying “we have no demands” and then attaching hidden expectations is a form of emotional blackmail. It puts the girl’s family in a no-win situation:

• If they say no: “They are stingy.”
• If they agree: they face financial stress
• If they delay: the proposal may be cancelled
• Such pressure tactics contradict the ethics of Islam, which encourages honesty, compassion, and fairness in all dealings — especially during a marriage proposal.

How to Respond with Dignity

If you are the girl’s family facing such pressure, here’s a polite and firm response:

“Alhamdulillah, we believe Barakah comes from simplicity. We prefer to follow the Sunnah and focus on what matters: the Nikah itself. A wedding in a hall is not part of our values, and we hope you’ll understand.”

If the boy’s family walks away because of this — consider it a blessing.
You’ve just avoided a marriage founded on ego, not deen.

What Communities Must Do To break this cycle, we must:

• Educate parents and youth on the Sunnah of simplicity
• Celebrate simple weddings in masjids or homes
• Encourage couples to donate excess funds to charity instead of show
• Launch awareness campaigns with slogans like:
• “Break the Chains — Revive the Sunnah”
• “Say No to Grand Hall Pressure”
• “Barakah Over Banquets”

Final Thoughts

• A family that says “we have no demands” but insists on a grand hall is not ready for a Sunnah marriage. They may unknowingly contribute to a marriage system that burdens, delays, and damages the very institution Islam wants to protect.
• Let’s change the narrative.
• Let’s return to the Prophetic way — where the heart of the wedding is not in the hall, but in the halal, simplicity, and sincerity of two souls uniting for the sake of Allah.

A Wake-Up Call to Parents Clinging to Cultural Wedding Norms

• At a time when the light of Deen shines so brightly, are you still choosing to remain in the dark?
• At a time when people are embracing Islam, are you still holding tight to decadent cultural customs?
• At a time when others are sacrificing their lives for Islam, are you unable to let go of one sinful tradition?
• At a time when authentic knowledge is easily accessible, are you still living in the poverty of ignorance?
• You call yourself a Deendar Muslim — but are you still stuck in the ways of Jahiliyyah?
• When will you return to the Sunnah? When will you let go of pride and embrace Barakah?

Lifepartneracademy proudly supports families who reject wedding showmanship and embrace Sunnah simplicity.
Join our campaign: [Break the Chains — Revive the Sunnah]